Friday, November 12, 2010

Bah-ha-ha-ha! To Dream, the Impossible Dream

I've been playing with this BMI calculator. Would you believe my "normal weight range" is 103 - 138 pounds? This, if I give myself the extra 1/2" of height that I seem to have grown at all these doctor appointments. Who knew? A growth spurt at 40!

Well, the last time I was 103 pounds was 5th grade. And I probably passed by that particular milestone pretty quickly, too! I've been trying to think of how much I've weighed at various times as an adult. I was 275 when I was 40 weeks pregnant with my second child in 2001. I was 167 when I had taken off 69 pounds at Weight Watchers, but before I quit smoking - so probably 1996. Up and down, up and down, for many, many years.

A couple things on the iron infusions. I had my second this week, and will have my third on Tuesday. This morning, I woke up early and had nothing pressing to do before work (e.g. the kids are at their dad's). I gave myself permission to fall back asleep. But I didn't want to! Wasn't tired at all. Instead, I got up and got some stuff done around the house. A sign of improvement on the horizon? I hope!

That little anecdote needs a disclaimer, though, as I think I also pretty much went to bed at 3:30 yesterday afternoon. The kids were with their dad, I had gotten a one-hour foot massage, 15-minute chair massage and a 30 minute sauna treatment...oh, how hard it is to be a lady of luxury! Bahaha. No, I'm not a lady of luxury, but I did treat myself yesterday. My accupuncturist (more later!) recommended the foot massage place. It was $25 for an hour long massage, plus $10 for the 15 minute chair massage. And it was worth every penny, 100 times over. Wow! $25 for an hour massage! The accupuncturist's recommendation stemmed from the coupon placed in her office for a $5 sauna treatment at a nearby spa. I said I was going to go check it out - she said if I did, I must visit the foot massage place. The sauna was okay, the foot massage was to die for!

Anyway, after my spa day, it was pouring down rain, and the traffic was miserable on the way home. I opted to curl up under a blankie and watch t.v., which of course led to napping. I dozed off and on, visited with 2/3 of my kids when they stopped by to get something (Part III was asleep in daddy's car), and watched the NBC Thursday night tv. It was not a grueling afternoon and evening, haha.

I did feel pretty vexed by my laziness this morning when I realized I completely spaced off the bariatric surgery support group meeting last night. I am very disappointed about missing it, especially since the next one takes place on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I have my kids all that weekend and may have to miss it. D'oh! What price, laziness?

I have been using the CPAP machine at night. I can't say I love it. Maybe I'm getting better quality sleep, maybe it's worse. I do know it is affecting my dreams and stirring up my sleepwalking tendencies. A couple times I have woken up and thought it was morning, took the thing off and went to bathroom, then realized hours later that it is still the middle of the night. It is making my nose break out in pimples. Many mornings, I have mask-imprint-face. Sometimes, I feel like the thing is actually trying to suffocate me: I'll find that breathing deeply into the mask through my nose is not giving me enough air, and I'll end up breathing through my mouth - which creates this bizarre vacuum sensation. No, I do not love it.

But, I'll continue to wear it. Why? Am I glutton for punishment? No! But, for my insurance to pay for it, I have to wear it 21 days out of a 30-day period. And you won't believe how Big Brothery it is, either. The machine has a removable disk I will take to my follow-up appointment with the sleep doctor on 12/21. There, he will be able to see when I've worn it, and for how long, and all sorts of information about my sleep patterns. FREAKY SHIT, MAN!!*

(*Oh, I am so torn about my language on this blog. I am truly a trash mouth. Thankfully, my bosses and coworkers are also trashmouths, so this doesn't get me in trouble at work. No, we are not longshoremen. Anyway, I try to keep my language clean here, because I don't want to offend anyone who may one day be helped in some small way by my experience. But...I gotta be me, too. And I'm not a FIDDLYSTICKS! kind of girl.)

Okay, so on 12/21, the sleep doctor will examine my sleep patterns and have altogether too much information about my nocturnal habits. And I believe the supplier of the CPAP machine will actually come calling at some point to take data off this disk, specifically related to how much I use it so the insurance company will pay him. Funny how I post my whole life on the blog, but am UP IN ARMS about this little disk. Sheesh.

The sleep doctor and surgeon will want me to take the CPAP with me to the hospital to wear after surgery. I've already been given pep talks about this: I will be recovering on my back, the CPAP is most helpful for sleeping on your back, etc. I am a good girl. I don't want to disappoint and tell them to take their obnoxious machine and shove it.

Oh, I guess I have stronger feelings about the CPAP than I was willing to admit. Yes, I hate the damn thing. If it is making me sleep better, I haven't noticed it. It's not like when my ex used to wear one: pre-CPAP, I could lay in bed next to him and listen to him stop breathing for five, ten seconds even, before GASPING back to life. Had I known then we were going to get divorced...mwahahaha. (Without a doubt, I get better sleep than when I was in the bed with him, just because of the snoring and gasping disruptions that probably killed the quality of my sleep, as well as his.)

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